Radiation Therapy, the Highs and Lows

This is a little account I wrote after reading Adam's treatment story. I wanted to write down my vivid memories of the strangeness of radiation before I forget. I had this one day when things went quite well. 

They'd called my name so I didn't have much time. I undressed quickly and shoved my clothes and shoes in the locker, trying to keep the gown from slipping off my shoulders.

In the tiny bathroom I placed two bottles on the narrow bench above the basin. My hand shook as I measured 10 mg of Oxynorm into a beaker and swallowed the nasty liquid as quickly as I could. I rinsed my mouth then swished as well as my numb lip would allow with Difflam, an anaesthetic which might stop the tongue depressor from hurting so much.

My mouth was full of ulcers but instead of discreet pain from each one, it was just one big blur of pain which I kept under control with Panadol,and Oxycodone.

Oxynorm is a fast release form of Oxycodone. For me it usually had a strange effect. I could still feel pain but I could separate myself from the pain as if another person was going through it.

Down the corridor I went, past the hopeful slogans on the wall, down to the radiation bunker. Two beautiful, friendly young women greeted me, handing me a plastic container for my dental plate.

As always I looked up at the glass picture of trees and ferns on the ceiling above. Their cool green lushness was lit from within. A friend of a friend had held a concert to fundraise for the installation so I felt some connection with it.

Climbing up onto the gurney, I felt if not cheerful, then, I don't know, nurtured, perhaps, with the warm ooze of of the drug coursing through my body. "I've just taken some Oxynorm," I said. They had told me to ask the nurses for pain relief before rads but I still felt a bit cagey about my self-medication.

The technician took it in her stride. "Well," she said, "Now you're high on drugs ..."

In went the tongue depressor; on went the mesh mask. They clipped it down, forcing the depressor down hard. My jaw ached unbearably.

This was my cue to begin my internal chant. It sounds crazy but it's a technique that worked for me. I had memorised an alphabetical  list of kiwi icons from a poster on my toilet door.

"Aroha, Beehive, Crown Lynn, Downunder, eel, fantail, geyser ...." I could usually get through the alphabet three times per radiation treatment, maybe more. I had to concentrate to remember them all and forgot some of the discomfort.

The treatment lasted only 10 - 15 minutes but it was hard to bear. Each time I'd reach a point of comfort halfway through when my jaw seemed to relax and the pain ebbed.

They played music while they left me in the room to operate the machine from their office. On this particular day a song we all liked was ringing out as the girls came back into the room to unclip me.

"You've done so well, " they said, humming the pop tune as they handed me back my teeth and got ready for the next patient.

Yes, I had but I'd had my chant and my Oxynorm, my not so secret weapons.